I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My friends, they love my intelligence
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
