Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
