her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
