I skipped work to stalk him.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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