you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
