i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
