my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
