New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
is wine microwaveable?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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