You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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