We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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