that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
