i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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