when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
