omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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