im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I need to calm my uterus...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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