Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
