i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
