I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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