It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
