I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
