Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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