you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
