my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
