Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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