I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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