There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
