Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
that's an acceptable place to lick
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
