They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
