Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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