you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
