i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize