I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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