haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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