Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
