Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
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You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
whose parrot is this?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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