I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
