We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
