new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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