Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
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It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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