Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
