Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
