apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
