judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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