The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
