im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she woke up with a sticky ear
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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