I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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