I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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