I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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