Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
