....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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