It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
