I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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