Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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