Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I think I am morally bankrupt
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
is that a dick in a sweater?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
