I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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