just tell him i said nine months
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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