I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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