The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she looked like the before picture.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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