I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who died my cat blue again?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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