"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
