Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
