My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
