im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
