I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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