i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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