If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
