Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
barbara walters just said penis...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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