I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
