Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this boner is exhausting
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
