With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
