I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
