I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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