Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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