Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
