Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
