hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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