sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
