we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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