I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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